I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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