you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
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Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
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I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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