I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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