In the future we'll all be gay
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
