I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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