nut hugger
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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