she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
im holly from the hills drunk
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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