I wanna bring you to show and tell
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
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i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
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On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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