did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just had sex on a roof
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
