ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
