Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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