STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
