you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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