your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
