'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
