a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
