I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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