and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the condom got lost in my hair
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
