A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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