I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
