Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
3pm strippers are depressing
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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