She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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