I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
