i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
