Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
