Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
