I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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