How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
