Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
