OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
