The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Let's paint friendship bongs
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
