it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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