my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize