I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
