I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
