physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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