i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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