He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
