is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
