because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
