Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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