Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
