She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
false alarm. still invincible.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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