awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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