Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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