PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
