so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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