i don't like sucking hair
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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