I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
