In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
