did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize