Quick, to the slutcave!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
