Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just pee around me
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
