so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
