he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
