Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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