.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
