I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize