this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
