Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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