We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
