Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
