you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
