She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
