Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
we made out on top of his cat.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
