around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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