so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
