she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
