Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
