Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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