i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
