I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
